Hedging – to protect with qualifications that allow for unstated contingencies or for withdrawal from commitment; to a mitigate a possible loss by counterbalancing
I think today when most people hear the term “hedging,” they immediately think of hedge funds or some type of high-finance. Honestly, I personally borrowed this term from the financial vernacular and started to apply the concept to something different entirely – relationships. The concept of hedging came about a couple years ago when I became single for the first time in my young adulthood.
For those who don’t know the back story, I dated a wonderful girl, Belle, for basically the entirety of my high school career. When high school was complete, Belle went to a great west coast school and I went to West Point: two entirely different lifestyles 3000 miles away. That being said, I loved her very much and had much optimism for the success of our relationship despite the distance. The times were more often than not difficult, but we were successful in our relationship for a substantial amount of time. Unfortunately for me, about halfway through my sophomore year, girl had a serious re-evaluation of what her desired college lifestyle was to be, and thus, she ended our relationship.
Having your first love tell you that they don’t want to be with you anymore was upsetting, but it caused me to reflect on many of the things that could have been. One of the most important things I realized was this idea of hedging; that is, mitigating risk in a relationship. I simply did not want to be hurt like that again. I began bouncing the idea off some of my closest friends who have also dealt with hardship in their relationships and, to this day, who I constantly discuss the pro’s and con’s of relationship hedging. The rest of the article revolves around the topics we discuss.
For those wondering some of the intricacies of hedging, here are some flexible guidelines that are involved. Assuming one is single; one essentially never places all their eggs in one basket. For example, if I had the biggest crush on someone – I thought she was the most beautiful, amazing girl I have ever met – I would express the way I felt towards her with no shame and certainly no games. However, I would combat the unquestionable emotional vulnerability by hedging her as much as possible. I would go out of my way to try and be with other women; not just physically, but emotionally as well. I would take them out, spoil them, and, figuratively, just love them. These girls wouldn’t really mean anything to me except a (hopefully) fun companion, but they are a means to end. They are mitigating my chance of being hurt by the one I truly desire.
The benefits of this approach may be obvious to some, while not to others; therefore, let me explain. First, when one is consumed with another’s time, they never appear to desire their true crush. Even if the particular person may literally become weak at the knees at the sight of their desire, the other person would have trouble recognizing it. One needs to be like Jay-Z (honestly) when he says he was “stunting like you ain’t my only girl when you are.” In addition to the appearance, and I have personally experienced this, spending time with other people allows one to relax in their approach to their crush. Most people get so nervous around their love that they usually don’t present themselves in the appropriate light. It also oddly creates some weird sense of timing that your desire always seem to contact you when you least expect it… but this is probably just a coincidental thing.
Now, considering I am a male (one who may or may not particular enjoy women more than most), I can really only speak for men. These are some additionally benefits I have observed from hedging. First, and I already somewhat mentioned this, one is never stressed in their approach to the relationship. Unnecessary levels of stress in today’s society are not desirable and they can literally affect every aspect of your life: athletic performance, work, family, friends etc… My own family gives both me and my older brother grief to this day about our anxiety we had towards our high school girlfriends. I suffered from this syndrome in my early days of high school before I really knew I was a baller and older guys were trying to take away my beautiful girlfriend. Once I began practicing hedging, I have not gotten involved with anyone and been upset with the outcome, thus my confidence was never diminished and I was never phased in the opposite sex arena, or just life itself. Most know through personal experience that failure with the opposite sex can have serious negative effects.
Second, having a lot of partners, or, maybe more importantly, having the appearance of a lot of interest from the opposite sex, boosts one social standing (don’t try and argue this) and confidence. A guy who sleeps with or has the capability of sleeping with a lot of girls has a certain uniqueness about them. I have spoken to many women about this and they all agree that the underlying, undeniable fact is this: men who can get a lot of women are intriguing. They may be scumbags, cocky, or obnoxious, or whatever, but the fact is that women, and men for that matter, are intrigued by the ability. A great example is Warren Beatty’s fairly absurd Hollywood conquests. That guy was a known womanizer, and yet, he was seemingly irresistible to the most beautiful women in the world…awesome.
I wanted to finish with this. I personally do not like to hedge women. I enjoyed the time in my relationship much more than I ever have being single. However, I will continue to hedge until I feel it is appropriate to stop. The biggest concern one faces in hedging is basically where somebody loses their desired opportunity to ignorance. Once you have your crush/desire in a position where they want to be with you only, give up. It’s not worth blowing a valuable opportunity of being with someone to be able to say you could sleep with whomever you choose etc… Lastly, realize that hedging is only a temporary thing, once you are established in a serious relationship, don’t be a jackass and continue to hedge; love your girl and hope it works. If it does, great, if not, go back to hedging and enjoying yourself…
Jay-Z’s complete lyrics; entirely appropriate for hedging- he basically sums up my entire post in 8 lines
Everytime your name was brought up
I would act all nonchalant in front of an audience
Like you was just another shortie I put the naughty on
But uh, truth be told you threw me for a loop ..this Hov
I’m too old to be frontin what I’m feeling,
Denzel’n.. acting like you ain’t appealing when you are
Stunting like you ain’t my only girl when you are (I was just frontin)
I’m ready to stop when you are
